im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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