; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
