there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
