Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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