I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
