Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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