alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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