he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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