Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
