I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
