I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize