Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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