its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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