That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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