im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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