I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
