There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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