she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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