I have demons in me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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