Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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