Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
