Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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