i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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