I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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