Will you blow on my dice?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize