"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
