Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is wine microwaveable?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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