Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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