I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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