Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
