woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
