your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
