It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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