Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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