he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
