I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well, you know. whores of a feather.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
