I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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