oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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