I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
