I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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