it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
