The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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