We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
