Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
