i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
