Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
