Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Too much gin, very little bucket
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
