the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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