i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
