Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
