You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
