saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
