why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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