remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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