Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
