I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
