After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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