On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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