I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
