My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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