she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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