Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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