Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk is a universal language darling
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
