You're completely useless in the revolution.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
