im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
