Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
