I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
