Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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