I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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