i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
