I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
