This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
