i think my mom watched the whole time
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
