I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
