Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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